We never danced together

Note: These are fragments from old (very old) posts that I written on an another blog.
I just selected a few lines that I liked more.

Shirt and tie mentality. You wake up, eat, work, sleep, forget to love and then you press “Repeat”.
So your life becomes an all scratched old record and the only thing you hear are whispers of “I should have done that..”

Seeing her face now something broke inside. So looked so dark and so beautiful. A black silk dress covered her almost unhealthy looking skinny body.
Eyes pitch dark and bloody red outlined lips. Her long dark hair caressed her naked shoulders.
She takes my hands and holds them tight then pulls me closer. “I will never forgive you..” she whispers.

You never realize how much means a simple “I trust you.” said by someone you love.

Maybe then when we draw the line the only real thing that counts is courage.
Courage to hold your chin up and to try again and again and again. Never give up. No matter how many times you fail no matter how many times you were hurt.
Have courage even when hope is nothing more than a whisper said with a trembling voice.

Courage to do what is right not what is easy.

You realize that life was always like this. Never being really good at anything. Always knew to do many things but not being very good at anything specific. Never managed to keep yourself doing the same thing. Always started something new and never finished something old. So your life becomes half a measure of everything.

You still look for her under the sheets. You still smell her sweet perfume between the pillows. It was like a dream that ended in a cold morning.
You still miss those days so much. So quiet. So boring. So real.

Hide the ash of your past in a lead box and throw it in the ocean of forgotten memories and hide the key until the burden of the past doesn’t press on your soul as hard as it does now.

We lost time like it wasn’t ours. Talking and listening. Hoping and wanting. Time will pass over us and even if we want to or not we have to change. We didn’t want to but we both knew the truth.
People, time, life will change us. We will fight against them but we’ll have to adapt. Stupid me was so rebellious then. “I will not change” I would say. “No one will change me. I will not became them.”
How wrong could have I been.

And time passed. People passed. Years passed. And I watched them all pass. And I changed.
I want to regret so many things but I think what good that will bring me? I want to care and I think what good will that bring me?
I could have avoided so many hurts. I could have done so much less harm.
But all this shit.. all this hurt.. all these decisions made me who I am today.

When I was holding her in my arms on an bench under an old chestnut tree I didn’t care about the warm summer rain. Even if I was holding her tight her body was still shivering because of the cold late night wind. Her warm body attached to mine kept me warm. She would hold me even tighter in her arms like she was afraid she would lose me. Like she was afraid I would leave.
Her hair smelled of spring and her perfume and smile filled my soul with happiness.

I lie to myself that everything will be fine.

An empty glass and a lost hope. An empty bottle and a lost soul.

We are what we accept to be.

If you stretch your arms under the sheets you think you’ll find someone?

And years have passed and rain drops fell and dripped between fallen leafs and concrete tiles. Trees flourished and flowers died. Storms and hot days between lost people and roads.

I’m just.. disappointed.

I’m just tired being to only one to fight for a relationship.

I write to hurt. I write to kill everything inside. I write to numb my soul. I write to remember everything. I will write until nothing is left.

It’s so fascinating how some people can go from loving you madly to nothing at all. Nothing. And then you stop and think about it. You try to breathe more and more relaxed and look for an answer.
“Why?” It’s hard to hear the truth. It’s hard to realize that the only thing that was left from the person you loved madly are the memories.

And who loses though? The one who loves more or the one that loves less?

There are no good decisions. There are no bad decisions. There are only decisions. Their outcome is good or bad.

It is said the the pain you feel from a broken bone is the same as the one you feel from a broken heart. I think I just felt my entire skeleton turn to dust.

In the end.. the shadows disappear and the dust is blown away by the wind.

A man without scars has no stories to tell.

Damage done.. moving on.

How stupid could you have been to trust a soul that was cheating to be with you?

When would you realize that they will never accept you if you don’t become like them and that you will have to lie and be somebody else to get in their naive and superficial world.

How much counts for you the final destination that you cannot appreciate the journey to get there?